I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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