Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
