I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
