____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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