It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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