tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
i think my cat just said my name.
Randomize
