Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
This house was built for laser tag.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
