I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
