who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
