and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
