i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
