I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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