I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
