hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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