So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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