So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
