Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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