barbara walters just said penis...
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
