I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
