Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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