Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
