Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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