The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
