Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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