after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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