how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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