i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
