just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think people are normalizing furries
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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