god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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