He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
