Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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