If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
