Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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