worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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