Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
