Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
