Mattress luging...It's a long story.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
