It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
