I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
