Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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