I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
