I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
