I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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