I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
