Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
