This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
