we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
