What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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