i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
