I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
