Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
...so i touched it.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
You ate ashes out of my bong
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
