i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Mom said you looked used
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
