Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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