dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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