I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
So I just went to clothing optional bar
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
