guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
