You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
