you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
