I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
