I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Randomize
